A space to reflect on my readings and musings, scattered and rescattered



So I'm babysitting right now. Yep, that's right, I'm doing something that reminds me a whole lot of being in high school. I'm babysitting. Not like taking care of my friend's kid or something at my own house or hers, but like full-on hanging out at a stranger's house taking care of 3 kids, only 1 of whom I actually know. It's a favor for a family who's son/brother/uncle is getting married. Taking care of these 3 little munchins has been sweet and fun but mostly irritating. I'm not sure I like small children or ever want to have them. The one who is like family to me is pretty cool. He just turned a year old and is all snuggly, cuddly and stuff. But the other 2 were really just annoying to me, and the truth is that they're actually really adorable, well-mannered kids. I think I'm just not into babies. Also, I don't like poop. And children under the age of 2 make a lot of poop. Poop that someone has to clean up. Ewww.

I always thought I wanted kids in the abstract but now I'm not sure. Now's the time when all of my friends are having them, and um, it's just weird. My best friend is pregnant and I'm the one who is freaked out, she's elated. I always knew I didn't want to be a pre-school or elementary school teacher, but I always thought I wanted to be a mom. The older I get, the less sure I am of that though. I wonder if I'll like babies more if their my own, or if I'm just not ready, or if maybe there are just these social pressures that I'm feeling and maybe I'm really just a person who is not cut out to be a mom. Yet that seems weird because I'm pretty much a mom all the time, just to ages 16 and older. But, then again, I don't have to clearn up their poop, I just have to take their crap from time to time. And that I can handle.


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