Salseras de Mi Corazon: GREEN ME

An unassailably rough week. Not much went as planned, hoped, or expected and it was painful just to keep stepping though the days. Nothing dramatic, just a long week for us students and teachers in NYC...we're ALL ready for April break. All I felt was pure, undeniable exhaustion. I spent the majority of my Saturday dillydallying around my apartment, doing almost nothing. By evening, I was stir crazy and glad to get out and check out O's dance team.

Oh my, there are parts in the choreography of the song where I have to dip all the way back and drop my head. I had meant to stretch for 20 mins. before class and didn't, especially since the stress of my week had left me stiff and crackly. Wish I had stretched. My body didn't want to do everything asked, because the steps called for a flexibility I don't usually need in my regular group classes. Nonetheless, my dance partner for the night very sweetly and compassionately taught me complicated moves to, I don't know, 15-20 seconds of the song! I coveted his "mejor" and "mucho mejor" and the one or two exclamations of "perfecto." Validation. Teacher approval. I need it so much when I'm putting myself out there like this. I constantly need feedback, validation, and the safety to make mistakes. O also made fun of my attempts to work on my Spanish with my partner. He's a small soft spoken Guatemalan guy who would ever so gently correct and give me additional hand signals to keep my feet, arms, head and body going in the right direction.

My comfort zone was pressed, which is likely why I learned so much. Some parts of the choreographed dance felt familiar (a smidge) and those I loved because I didn't feel silly. When we got to the body roll though, I sort of wanted to run away. My curvy little teacher demonstrated and then instructed, "Head, chest, stomach...then pull back like you've been punched in the stomach." I couldn't imagine what the roll was supposed to look like on my frame. I still look like a comic frog stretching its neck out. A little Kermit-like if that comparison works for you. You can also imagine the little Gieco gecko trying to dance super smooth if that works for you. I felt gawky and awkward and green. Newbie. After a valiant effort that felt fruitless, I insisted on moving beyond the body roll and promised to practice in the mirrors I've hung up in my bedroom at home solely for this purpose--trying out the moves in a space where I feel safe enough to look as gangly as a angular little green critter with a funny voice.

[For more on my dancing adventures check out Salseras de Mi Corazon--the blog where I'm gonna try to locate all of my salsa stuff. This blog is getting a little scattered and rescattered, which is making it feel unfocused, even though part of me thinks that's fine for a blog. Yes, still trying to figure out what I think of this whole blogging genre and how I want to use it.]